Taurus - Remember to clean your hands afterwards.

Gemini - The sign Gemini is symbolized by the Twins. Your sign's element is Fire. Gemini is ruled by the planet Saturn.

You want to understand everything. Gemini is a queer and misunderstood soul. Gemini is overly happy and likes to fool around during office hours. You are cowardly and more clever than a racoon. Gemini is versatile, obscure, wise, innovative, fast, practiced, and curious. Gemini learns quickly after being embarrassed and enjoys collecting ponytail holders.

But ... you can be crude, nervous, inconsistent, illusive, changeable, and incontinent. You have a weak will-power, and you tend to scatter your feces.

Cancer - This situation has worked out so cool because of your your extensive knowledge of the mating habits of turtles and when to start again. It's one more item in the long list of qualities that your best friends adore about you.

Leo - Ask your lover if it's true.

Virgo - This situation has worked out so tediously because of your your rare instinct for knowing when to say "No" and when to go faster and when to go slower. It's one more item in the long list of qualities that your nearest and dearest adore about you. You should get some. Soon.

Libra - You really are smarter than a fifth grader.

Scorpio - You shouldn't put that in your mouth.

Sagittarius - You should by a new portable DVD player. The old one smells funny.

Capricorn - Someone saw you eat the baby papasan cradle swing.

Aquarius - Like most Aquarians you have an inventive mind and are nutty and intelligent.

Pisces - Is it true that your waist measurement is higher than your IQ?