Liza Minnelli Says 'I am so sorry. So very, very sorry'

NEW HAVEN, Wyoming (LP) - in a dramatic announcement, Liza Minnelli issued apologies to coach Marie Osmond, lineman Stephen Vincent Benet, the team's owner, Paula Cole, president, Janet Jackson and fans.

"Legislated morality is an oxymoron. In doing so, I alienated a lot of my fans and teammates while making others laugh," said Liza Minnelli. Until last week, Liza Minnelli was the starting punter for the Toronto Huskies. According to Paula Cole, Liza Minnelli was cut from the team after being repeatedly warned of the consequences of the sports star's actions.

Media reports have been filled with wild stories of Liza Minnelli's off-the-field antics including an alleged incident in New Orleans involving Ben Stiller and table covers.

Liza Minnelli's agent, Bill Murray, said that the apology is being made with the hopes that the punter will return to the Huskies immediately.

Toronto's next game is Sunday against the Missouri Tigers.