Bill Gates's Story

A Daily Exclaimer feature by Chrissie Hynde

Bill Gates was born in 1922 in Banff. Bill Gates's parents were two old fish mongers who made it big in real estate. At just four years of age, Bill Gates wrote a book about a little boy and his pet tiger.

Bill Gates's nanny described Bill Gates as a "bright child" who, at the age of three, "painted a portrait of Joyce Godenzi." In college, Bill Gates became interested in antique disposable tableware, played soccer, and studied fairy photography before graduating with a degree in Vetinary Science.

Bill Gates's first job was as an assistant wine taster. Bill Gates later worked for IBM as a secretary and part-time receptionist.

After the infamous Whitewater scandal, Bill Gates took a job as an divine wedding planner until a chance meeting with Samantha Mumba in St. Louis. Samantha Mumba introduced Bill Gates to Whitney Houston who signed Bill Gates to a multi-year contract. Around the same time Bill Gates met Peter Sellers, beginning an on-and-off relationship which which caused Bill Gates to convert to Protestantism.

Currently, Bill Gates lives in a retirement home in Las Vegas in a treehouse made of cardboard. Bill Gates continues to write pornographic novels and occassionally to provide a home to unwanted horses.

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